43, Looking to Date

Hey Sarah, my Idol,
How do you find dates? Is it cause you’re famous? I’m 43, haven’t had a date in 10 years (since I dropped out of the game to care for my father for 2 years). Internet, yuk. Men in bars & clubs want the 23 year olds. Get me in back in the groove. HELP ME Please!

Dear Linda,
Some people might suggest that the fact I am your idol is part of the problem. Those people are assholes, so keep doin’ what you do, girl.

First of all, I’m not really famous, but thanks for saying that I am. You probably just think that because you haven’t been out of the house in 10 years. Second, if you aren’t exaggerating at all about the 10 years without a date thing, I hope you know what “YouPorn.com” is. If you don’t, google it, go take care of business, then come back and finish reading this after you wash your hands.

Finally, yes most men in bars want the 23 year old girls, but only for short term. Eventually they have to talk to them and it rarely goes well. And those girls usually don’t want the 45 year old guy they met at the bar once the roofie wears off.

So my advice: try going to the same bar a few times and scoping out the male patrons who are regulars there. After one month of careful observation, paper the place with flyers for some ladies’ night at a bar 15 miles away. Make up some crazy deals and celebrity appearances that no woman would turn down, then in bold print across the top say that only women 42 and under are allowed in for this event. And in bolder print “no men over 23 and a half.” On said night, go back to said bar and get your groove on with the guys who have extremely limited options now that you’ve driven away business.

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