Fat Cat

So on the roundtable this week I made a joke about my loud, fat cat. Today, I got this email; my response is below. It was too fun not to share.

From “Wilson”:
Why get a cat if you’re not going to take good care of it and learn how to care for it properly? It’s obese because of your stupidity. It didn’t do it by itself.

NEVER leave food out for any animal. Animals food needs to be restricted just as for any human. Look at Chuy! Look at the people who can’t even get out of bed! You’re doing the same fucking thing to a precious animal who can’t change what YOU do to it!!!
Food 24/7 also creates crystals in the kidneys which block the urethra.

Why don’t you EDUCATE yourself about an animal BEFORE you decide to get one, instead of abusing the poor thing.
The cat will probably die soon of kidney failure. You need to take the cat to the Humane Society and get it proper care since you don’t give a shit.
Fucking cunt. You should be arrested for animal abuse.
Sad thing is….. you’ll probably make “jokes” about it instead of being a caring, compassionate, loving person.
Just shows what a pathetic excuse for a human being you are.

My response:

Dear Wilson,

I’ve actually had that cat for sixteen years, and he’s as healthy and happy as can be. He goes to the vet when needed and everything! The vet says his weight is normal, but thanks for your input! He’s also very loud, which I made a joke about because I’m a fucking comedian (or as you called it, a “cunt”).

Oh, I didn’t “go get” a cat, I inherited my cat from a boyfriend who died tragically and suddenly in a car accident, and have taken loving care of him every since. That’s a true story! You can actually read all about that and more in my New York Times Bestseller “Life As I Blow It,” the specific chapter I’m referring to is called “Hell Cat.”

PS: Thanks for watching the show!!!!


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.